The Bill Chronicles: Episode 5.03 – Whatever I Am, You Made Me

We find our favorite odd couple still kneeled brotherly next to each other in front of the Authority Council. The chancellors all throw their opinion about Bill and Eric on the table and at each other. Roman promises to take their input under advisement. Not likely considering Roman’s power trip. He will not see the coexistence agenda go down the shitter because of one ancient pissed-off psychopath. After Bill and Eric promise again that they will take Russell in, they are led away leaving Roman and Salome alone.

It’s obvious that Roman values Salome’s opinion and their relationship is not solely professional, but I also sense that Salome fears Roman and probably with good reason. Rev. Steve Newlin is brought in and introduced as the new Nan Flanagan. He was turned about 4 months ago (by whom I continue to wonder) and will function as the new spokesperson for the movement.

Bill and Eric in the meantime, are dressed with training bra harnesses, the iStake, that can be activated with an app and will instantly stake them through the heart if they do not follow the rules or try to take the harness off.  Let’s hope they don’t because they are definitely too cute to be goo.

We shift to Pam who is asleep in her lovely pink coffin in the Fangtasia dungeon and she dreams of her maker. Her dream takes us back again to 1905’s San Francisco and back inside the brothel she owned. She had a special client that evening, Mr. Northman, and all the girls are eager to please him and hope to get picked. But Mr. Northman wants the madam of the house and she knows just what to ask him in return. Remember the dead whore in last week’s episode? She had bite marks all over her body and Pam apparently had an idea of whom the guilty party was and they are at it again right in that moment.

Bill and his maker Lorena are slowly draining a girl that has been glamoured in subordination, Eric intervenes while Pam watches. Bill defends his maker like a young puppy, but doesn’t stand a chance against the much older Eric. Eric however spares his life and blames Bill’s lack of vampire education to his maker Lorena. “He is brave and loyal and strong for one so young.”

So we finally learn how Bill met Eric and Pam and got off on the wrong foot with both of them right from the start. It was an interesting reminder to see how much Bill has changed over the years and what a long way he has come from using humans only as food to becoming the mainstreamer that he is now.

Back in New Orleans Salome meets Bill somewhere in the un-renovated part of the Authority’s headquarters. She is a lot friendlier now, wears her hair down and dresses in a black lace gown. From their conversation we learn that he and Eric have been relocated out of the prison into new quarters.

Salome tells Bill that he shouldn’t believe everything that’s written in the human Bible. Her dance of the seven veils was not all the good book would like us to believe. Her own version is that as a young girl her uncle abused her and in return for her “services” her mother received the head of John the Baptist on a silver platter. History turned Salome into a symbol of dangerous female sexuality, she explains. But as Bill notes, not all that much has changed. She still has the power to send men to their death.

Salome clearly plays a game of good cop in contrast to Roman’s bad cop, flattering Bill by telling him she admires him and playing on his emotions. Salome hits the nail right on the head when she notes that she most admires him for the fact that he still lets his heart rule him. And that’s precisely both his greatest strength and his greatest weakness. Poker face Bill! Wearing your emotions on your face for all to see is not the best idea right now. Salome sees her game of seduction is working and she moves closer and closer.
“Can I trust you?”
“How can I prove that to you when you already have my life in your hands?”
“Perhaps by taking my life in yours….”

I am not sure how Salome’s suggestion to take her life in his hands translates into “let’s have sex up against the wall”, but a moment later she has her leg wrapped around Bill and they are going at it. Personally I wasn’t satisfied with the execution of this scene, the sex felt rather forced into the scene to me; a fully dressed quickie hastily squeezed into the last 5 seconds of the scene. Vampires sure do get hard and moist fast and have no need to take their knickers off either. Maybe it was all taken care off with vamper speed, but I’d like to be included in the foreplay.

Later Eric is invited in Salome’s boudoir and her intentions are unmistakable. (Take a moment to admire the work on that room by production designer Suzuki Ingerslev). Eric may have gotten sloppy seconds, but his “date” at least included a drink, a comfortable bed and full nudity. We learn that Salome knows from Godric that Nora is Eric’s sister.

The elevator scene with Bill and Eric later that night is priceless.

“I received a visit from a certain chancellor tonight.”
“What? You too?”
“You know what they say about gentlemen: they don’t brag about sloppy seconds.”

The elevator doors open and a welcome committee of guards awaits them.

Salome is still naked on her bed when Roman comes in and starts to undress… is he going for sloppy thirds? “Did you have fun?”

Salome seems satisfied with the results of her “interrogation” of Bill and Eric and reports to Roman that they aren’t Sanguinista and that they can be trusted. Sanguinista are unshakable in their believe. Mr. Compton is still looking for something to believe in and Mr. Northman only believes in himself. But Roman is not sure they can trust anyone anymore. Nora has confessed to being a Sanguinista. There was a traitor in their midst and that changes the whole game.

I believe Nora only confessed because Rosalyn threatened to activate Eric’s iStake and I am not convinced she really is the traitor they have been looking for. Time will tell what happens next. From the preview we learn that Bill and Eric’s quest for Russell will begin next week. And we still don’t know who dug him up. Could it be the snake in the Authority’s grass?


  1. I felt the same exact way about the Bill/Salome ‘sex’ scene. Could have been done much better. At least Eric and Roman got to have her naked. lol!

  2. Salome interrogates Bill and Eric her way, which appears to work.  I, too, think the sex with Bill, rushed in the last few seconds of the scene, was offputting.  Up against a wall?  Surely it could have been done better than that.  Of course, we see nothing with Eric, only him rushing toward a naked Salome languidly lying on her bed.
    Loved the “training bra” reference and the “you’re too cute to be a puddle of goo” spoken by the harness provider.  She’s definitely right there.  I enjoyed the boys comparing notes on their “visitor.” 
    I wonder how many hidden agendas the Authority council members are harboring.  I’m at the point where I don’t trust any of that lot. 
    Now we know when and where Bill first met up with Eric and Pam.  It was a treat to see Mariana again.  Bill is well rid of Lorena, but she’s a fabulous character, and I loved her flashback re-visit.
    Well done, Shad. 

  3. Salome, uh, gets around, doesn’t she? How did VC get so lucky? LOL

    Bill was awesome this ep, as always! From his reaction to the iStake to his heart to heart (and other parts) with Salome, then flashbacks and that hilarious elevator ride with Eric…what’s not to love? Seeing Bill with Lorena again, and them both being so very bad, was a thrill. I miss Mariana and the crazy Lorena she brings to the show. And was it just me or did Eric seem a bit impressed with young Bill? That scene was great, though not what I was expecting.

  4. Thanks for your perspective in the Bill Chronicles and I so agree with you regarding the blink and it’s over sex scene Bill and Salome had. I know vampires are fast but humor us mere humans next time Bill has some sex, please!

    I enjoyed this episode greatly but one thing stood out clearly:


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